


Arcade

by Inlovewithjamesbarnes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 00:30:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20218819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inlovewithjamesbarnes/pseuds/Inlovewithjamesbarnes
Summary: You and Bucky are devastated. After what happened you're both left in pieces. A late night conversation brings Bucky to admit stuff that never said out loud and he makes a decision that'll change your lives.





	1. 3AM

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so first of all, I suck at Summaries, I am sooo sorry. Secondly, this is my first fanfic and I know it's not the best, but I hope you like it. Thirdly, English is not my first language so please be kind and if you see any mistakes, please tell me. Lastly, this fic is based on my favorite songs from the Eurovision 2019 contest Arcade by Ducan Laurence, and I beg you to listen to it (if you haven't already) its awesome! Also, I suggest to anyone that is happy for Steve for what he did in endgame, to please leave. This imagine doesn't agree with Steve's tactics. You might not like what you'll read. Anyway, to anyone who'll stay, enjoy and thank you so much for reading.

3AM. It was 3AM again. Sleep wasn't an option at a time like this. The sheets were to cold. The room to small. And the tears to close. You couldn't sleep. Memories always came back. Good or bad ones, it was always painful. So you did the one thing you did best. You stood from your bed, put some sweatpants and went to the kitchen. To cook.

Natasha always told you that a hobby would keep your mind away from the nightmares. That's what it was back then. Just nightmares. Now. Only memories. Of her. Of your life before HYDRA. 

That's how you met Her. Fury discovered the HYDRA attack at your house and sent Natasha to find out why it happened. 5 dead. A destroyed house and an unconscious body. That's how she found you. Half dead, injured, between ashes and the dead bodies of your family. She carried you to the Stark Tower and found out that HYDRA had injected to you a different serum than the one that was used to the Winter Soldier. It was stronger and it affected both your body and your brain. 

When you woke up, the first thing you saw, was her. She was holding your hand and when your eyes met hers, she smiled and the world stopped. That's all you needed to fall in love with her. She was there the whole way down to discover what exactly you were. She was there when you found out that now your memory was stronger than before. You could remember every little detail of your life. Even when you where just a baby. You were stronger than before. And she helped you with your training. Fury wanted you to be the best. He wanted you to be an Avenger. And who was the best to train you, than the one and only Natasha Romanoff? 

You spent most of your time together. Learning things about each other and saying things that you never said to anyone else. And you fell deeper and deeper. So after the first snap you told her. You told her that you love her more than anything in this world. Just as you thought that she'll reject you, her gaze met yours and she kissed you. She just kissed you. And time stopped. For a while you held each other. Forgetting what happened just two days ago.

But 5 years weren't enough. Yes, you had propose to her three years after your confession, but it wasn't enough. You wanted to tell her how much you love her. How much she meant to you. The late night 'I love yous' weren't enough to describe how you felt for her. You thought she knew. But it wasn't enough. You had to show her. To tell her. But Steve decided it would be better if she went to Vormir with Clint. Of course you told her the night before how much you loved her. But when Clint came back alone. It wasn't enough.

You stood up and went to the kitchen. You had to cook. You had to forget. 

On your way there, you saw a figure at the couch next to the bookcase. Soft sobs left his mouth and you already knew who it was.

Bucky. Bucky wanted to forget too. So he read. Read about different worlds far away from his. Bucky was one of the three friends you got in this tower. Wanda, Sam, you and Bucky are inseparable. You helped each other whenever you needed. But you helped Bucky a little bit more. You knew he was still in pain even though he didn't show it. You were there for him when he had his nightmares. You where there in his dark times, hearing his dark thoughts, that he couldn't say to Sam nor Wanda. And he was there hearing your thoughts when no one else could hear them. 

"Buck" you said softly from the doorframe. He shot his head up and whipped the tears from his eyes. When your eyes met his, you saw pain and anger behind them. You slowly approached him and sat next to him, taking his hand on yours and stroking small patterns on his back. "What's wrong?"

"Buck, you know you can tell me anything that's on your mind."

"Yes, I do know that. It's just..." He turned his head not wanting you to see the new tears that came to his eyes. "I can't do this anymore Y/N." He cried, confusing you.

"What? What do you mean, Buck?" You asked with a concerned voice.

"I just can't. I always try to go back. To who I was. But I just can't. I tried to live again once, but it was taken away from me again. I tried to recover and Thanos happened and I got lost. Then came back and nothing is the same. My heart was into pieces. But you can't complete a puzzle, when half of the pieces are missing.

And that's what I can't do. Move on. My mind is both in chaos and peace. Sometimes, when it's to silent, it's scarier. I'm afraid that I won't be who I was before. But I can't remember that. And I can't be someone that I don't feel like. I can't..." He sobbed again looking at you. Pleading eyes met yours and you new what you had to do.

"Come on, lets go to my room" you smiled softly at him, took his hand on yours and led him at your room. You went to your bed, your back at the headboard, sheets over you and your arms open for him. He hesitated at first, but a small tear left his eyes and came to your embrace. He buried his face on your chest and hugged your waist tightly. You putted one hand on his back and one in his hair. You waited. You waited for him to relax. And then you spoke again.

"Buck, why I feel there's more?" he rose his head and looked at you. "It's just...I'm just..."

"It's ok, Buck. Take your time." He took a deep breath and finally talked.

"It's...I...I'm in love with Steve okay! I'm still in love with him. Even though he left me, I still love him. I always did. I loved him since the 40s. Even since we were kids. I couldn't tell him. That's why I went with other ladies, to just forget about him. But he didn't forgot about me. He always thought about me. And I think that's called mixed signals. But then again, there was Peggy. But I still had hope. A little one. 

We promised 'till the end of the line'. That 'End' didn't came... Yet he left me in a big ass continent, a man out of time. He took a knife and cut the line in half. He left me. And I still believed in him." He sobbed again and you were shook. You haven't seen this much pain hidden in a voice, behind red, puffy eyes. Then his eyes narrowed. Anger took over his gaze.

"I'm so done with him. I can't let him do this to me any more. He destroys my feelings. He confuses me. I can't carry on. I want to move on. I can't be the Bucky I was. I don't know who I have to be. This is my game over. I can't let him do this to me I just can't..." You took his face in your hands, brought his gaze to yours and smiled at him.

"Ohh, Buck you don't need to be someone you don't know and don't want to be. I know you need to discover yourself and I'm here for it. I'm here to help you. And let Steve be... He is an asshole, that he let a diamond, like you, go." You said to him in a hushed voice, stroking his cheek.

Then Bucky realized. You didn't know who he was before. You just saw a broken man trying to find himself, and you always helped him. Always there whenever he needed it. Not judging when he talked about his past. Having patience with him. Always smiling at him, holding his hand whenever he needed it. And always cooking for him for his late night reading. He wanted you beside him, on his journey to find himself. And then it hit him like a track. You've always said how much you want to have peace, to quit fighting and have a normal life. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, he smiled at you, took both your hands in his, looked at you and said it without really thinking.

"Do you want to start a new life with me?"

"A...a what?" You blinked.

"A new life. A normal life. No Avengers. No HYDRA. No past. Just you and me. In a small house, living just a normal life!" Tears filled your eyes and you didn't know what to say.

"What do you say, doll?"

That's all you needed. The pet name brought butterflies to your stomach. You didn't answer. You just nodded and hugged him tightly. You turned and looked in his eyes. Two pairs of eyes red and puffy, but both faces smiling. 

You couldn't wait to start a new life. Especially with Bucky.

No Avengers. No HYDRA. No past. Just you and him.


	2. Discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for you and Bucky to talk to Wanda and Sam about your decision. You also have to discuss things with Nick Fury.

It's been 5 days since you accepted Bucky's offer, to start a new life with him. At first you and Bucky where discussing where will you live. You suggested to buy an apartment at Brooklyn, but he rejected the moment the suggestion hit the table. He didn't want to be back to the place where he grew up. He didn't want to return to his past. Didn't want to start his new life based on how he used to live.

"Can we have a house with a big kitchen? Ohh Buck, it'll be really nice to have a huuuge kitchen and try so many recipes freely, with so much space to work on." You said dreamily while standing on your elbows to watch Bucky. He turned his gaze from the ceiling to you with a smile in his face.

You were in his room daydreaming about your future life. You're laying next to him being excited about your plans. He laughed and pulled you out of your thoughts. "What? Why are you laughing?" You smiled at him.

"I'm just thinking that if Sam watched us cook with aprons. We wouldn't hear the end of it." He laughed. 

"Oh my god, you're soooo right. He'll tease us 'till the day we die." You both laughed again and you suddenly stopped and gasped.

"OH MY GOD, SAM!" 

"What about him?" He questioned, confusion covering his face. 

"We need to tell him that we want to leave." His smile left his face and his eyes dropped to his hands. Even though the two boys were always fighting, they were the closest and best friends. Bucky didn't know how Sam would take it. 

"We need to talk to him." He finally said. 

"What? Like, right now?" 

"No I think he is already asleep. Tomorrow morning. The sooner the better!" 

"Yeah, yeah, you're right." you sighed and curled to his side. 

"He won't be very happy, will he?" You both returned your gaze to the ceiling a worried look on both of your faces. 

"I don't know, doll. I don't know."

The next morning you knocked on Bucky's door, still worry over your features. He opened slowly having the same emotions as you. "Ready?" 

He softly sighed "as ready as I can be." 

"We have to, Buck." You took his hand on yours and pulled him out of his room. 

"I know, I know." He sighed again and you started walking towards the living room.

"Sam!" You shouted and he popped his head from the couch. 

"Hello Cinnamon, hello Tinman. What's up?" You giggle at your nickname while Bucky glared at him. Sam liked to call you Cinnamon because you putted cinnamon everywhere, from aromatic candles to coffee dressing.

"We um...wanted to talk to you about something." You said hesitantly. 

"Of course, what is it about?"

You moved further and sat down next to him and Bucky sat behind you, staying close to you. "Me and Bucky were thinking umm...we were umm...thinking..." You nervously said playing with your fingers not wanting to look into his eyes.

"Guys. You are worrying me, what's wrong." Sam said worry all over his face. 

"No, no nothing is wrong...we just kinda thinking..." Bucky trailed off and then you took over. 

"Me and Bucky were thinking about to retire and live a normal life." you stated with one breath closing your eyes and opening them to see a bit confused Sam.

"What do you mean?".

"Sam, we won't lie to you, we're both really tired of this Avenging life. And after our losses we are falling apart more and more. We appreciate all your and Wanda's help, but unfortunately is not enough. We are trying really hard to recover. But all this fighting is keeping us behind. Reminds us -and most certainly me- of the past. We can't keep living like this. We LOVE working with everyone here but it's not doing us any good. We would really, REALLY, appreciate it if you at least consider our retirement and talk things out with Fury."

You were staned by Bucky's words. You didn't expect him to take control of the conversation. And it was a really happy surprise.

"Wow, Buck. I forgot you could talk so much" Sam laughed. "Guys, I understand that your mental health is not stable and of course I noticed your struggle at your latest missions. I'll admit I was thinking to tell Fury give you some days off and retirement hit me like a truck." You both looked at his smiley face, when he turned his gaze behind you and you saw Wanda, who was coming slowly and was smiling too.

"I told Sam that you two needed some time off. But if you feel more comfortable with retirement we are both going to support you." she said while sitting next to Sam grabbing his hand into hers. "Also, let me tell you, I'm gonna help to convince Fury to give you what you want." She smirked, that knowing smirk which said yes, I'm going to manipulate him for you.

You were nearly in tears. You didn't believe that they accepted your decision so quickly and without hesitation. "You guys, you don't know how much this means to us." you teared up, standing to hug them both.

"Thank you so much. Both of you." Bucky said softly trying to keep himself from crying.

You pulled away and looked into their eyes. "When are we going go talk to Fury?" 

"How about tomorrow?" Wanda questioned. 

"Ok, tomorow then." Bucky said.

"Shall we go make some dinner? I'm starving!" Sam whined and you all laughed.

"Let's go" Wanda laughed and dragged you all to the kitchen.

After two burned steaks, 1 burned apple pie and somehow a burned salad from the boys, who wanted to show off to you, you and Wanda took over.

The dinner was so peaceful. So beautiful. They were your family and you really loved them. So much.

"Oh, guys, have you decided were are you going to live?" Wanda asked at some point.

"Y/N told me about her grand-grand mother's mansion. She said that it's very big for two people, but it'll be big enough to build spare rooms and rooms for us to spend our time. I haven't saw it yet, but I trust her." 

"Wait. Did you just say 'build'?" Sam said confused.

"Yeah well I thought it'll be nice to create a home with our hands." You answered.

"It sounds really sweet, but what about the money?" Wanda asked.

"Stark left to much money, for us to use. So we think its the best way to use them." Bucky said.

"Yeah, Tony left a lot money to everyone and I still don't know why." You giggled.

"He's dead and he still makes us happy."

You all smiled at that and fell into silence. Memories from Tony making you all smile. Bucky smiled on the stories you all said about him. His smile fell from his face. He wanted to say he is sorry. For his parents for the mess he created between Tony and Steve. Oh, how much he wanted to apologize.

"Um, I'm finished does anyone want desert?" Bucky asked after a while. You all raised your heads and looked at him.

"Yeah, I do. I'm coming to help you." Sam said and they both left for the kitchen.

"Are you sure?" Wanda asked a minute after the guys left.

"For our decision?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, yes I am. Bucky is an amazing guy and he is in the same boat with me. If we start over together it will be just a little bit easier."

"But sharing a home is a lot more than a start over, you know that."

"Wand me and Bucky are friends and we can do this. This will just be an adventure for us. We'll have fun, building our own house. Living a new life. Sure it'll be sometimes a little difficult, but we'll do this."

"I'm happy for both of you. I believe in you. And me and Sam will help you with what ever you need." She reached for your hand and held it.

"Thank you Wanda."You smiled at her. A smile which turned onto a smirk after a moment "oh and since you mentioned it. What's going on with you and Sammy?"

She left your hand and blushed like crazy. "Nothing, we're just friends"

"Yeah, yeah I believed you now Wands" you laughed.

"Shut up" A crimson color took over her cheeks and you laughed again.

-Meanwhile in the kitchen-

"Bucky, are you sure you wanna do this?" 

"Yes, Sam, I'm 100% sure." Bucky sighed, cutting a big slice of cake for you.

"I mean you two don't know each other so long, to start a life together." Sam said with a concern voice. Bucky dropped slowly the knife and his head. But he immediately looked at him again.

"Sam, I trust her. She's been there for me in ways I couldn't even imagine. She never gives me an apologetic smile or looks at me with pity eyes. She is comforting in her own way, and she helps me when I need it even when I don't ask. I don't say that you or Wanda don't help me, it's just...she is...She's different and I like it. She makes me feel good."

"If she makes you happy, of course I won't get in the way. I just want to make sure that you're ok with that decision. I want the best for you bud." Sam admitted softly patting Bucky's shoulder. Bucky turned and hugged him tightly, not letting Sam breath for a bit.

"Ok, ok I need to breath now please." Bucky let him go and they both laughed.

"Ohh, bird brain I didn't ask you before." Bucky smirked without looking at him.

"What's it this time Tinman?" Sam rolled his eyes and said with an annoying voice.

"What's going on with you and Wanda?"

Sam choked on air while Bucky hit his back, still smirking.

"Nothing's happening." 

"Yeah, yeah sure bird brain."

"Fuck off, asshat"

"Idiot."

"Let's go the girls are waiting."

They came after a while with four plates of chocolate cake. Your and Wanda's favorite.

"Here you are ladies." Sam excitedly said.

"Thank you boys" you smiled at both of them and continued your lovely night.

The dinner was over and you all were at your rooms waiting for sleep to take you. When a soft knock at your door, caught your attention.

Bucky opened further the door and whispered, "Doll, are you asleep?".

"No Buck, come in." He closed the door behind him and took small steps towards your bed. 

"Hey" he waved at you.

"Hi" you chuckled.

"Can I please stay with you tonight?"

"Of course you can Buck." You pushed your covers and he laid beside, pulling up the blanket.

"Doll, am I the only nervous for tomorrow?"

"No, not really. I think I'm a bit nervous too. I mean we are going to tell Nick Fury that his last two super soldiers are going to retire and they're going to live like two farmers but yeah, no I'm not THAT nervous about that." You joked and he let a heartful belly laugh, that made your stomach feel weird, in a really good way.

"Yeah, way so nervous? It's so normal!" He laughed again and you followed.

"Seriously now Buck, Fury won't be happy. I'm slightly afraid that he'll refuse to retire us." 

"Honestly, doll? I don't know what will happen tomorrow. Part of me hopes for the best but another part is just pessimistic."

"What will we do if he says no?" 

"We'll see." he sighed.

"Ok" you said a lil' disappointed.

You curled closer to him and moved your gaze from the ceiling to his face. He found your eyes and spoke again softly, not wanting to disturb the peaceful silence, "come here, I don't mind." he smiled.

You pressed your body on his and wrapped your hands around him. He hugged you too and put a soft kiss on your head.

God only knew how much you both loved to be on each others embrace.

When morning came, the nervousness came along with it. All your mind was thinking about rejection and Fury. You almost cried when the time for the meeting arrived.

Bucky came to your room to take you and went together, sharing some of the anxiety.

Before he opened the door, Bucky hugged you tightly and you hugged him back the same. You breathed and opened the door.

You greeted Fury and moved to sit down, next to each other, not wanting to let go the others side.

"Mr.Wilson informed me about your thoughts and decisions and of course the state of your mental health, and I have to say I'm surprised that you want to do such a thing together."

You looked at each other with a smile at your faces and a giving an actual loving gaze, and turned to Fury again and said and awkward yeah.

"So, where did that came from?" He said and confused you.

"What do you mean, sir?" Bucky said.

"Where that idea came from? How did you think such a thing? What brought you to that decision?" 

"We just had a conversation together, after a tough night and we realized we can't do it any more."

"We want a new life. Bucky is really tired fighting and holding a gun on his hands and I'm really tired fighting too. But we don't have a problem helping whenever it's needed."

"We have a lot to discuss." Fury said with a frown.

After 2 hours and a lot convincing Fury agreed. He said that he will first check the house, the neighborhood, the neighbors' past, just to be sure. He said that he'll put Friday and a security system in the whole house. You hadn't disagreed of course. He also said that you'll get paid for whatever job you do for him, you'll still be his employees no matter where you live or what you do.

You didn't really care what jobs he'll give you eventually, you just wanted to live as far from this life as you could. 

When you signed the papers, Fury dropped his serious face and said "I'm really proud of both of you" and left.

You turned and looked at Bucky, who just smiled. You smiled back at him and left, to start making plans for your new house.


End file.
